Talking the talk, not walking the walk
I have heard that expression all my life in connection with ones walk with God. Basically ignored it as a kid. Didn't do either most of my adult life. I have tried to talk and walk in the will of God my last few years. Lately, I find myself talking but not walking.
The stress of the last couple of months has gotten to me. In my deepest being, I know God is in complete con troll of the situation (the custody of Hannah, her safety, etc). As a mother who is watching her daughter suffer and a grandmother who is desperately missing her grandchild, I have acted as if I have no faith in that control. I have let Satan - through Buddy - get to me. My language, anger and frustration have not been that of a Christian who is trusting in her Lord. Why we do that? I think in my whole life I have known 2 or 3 people who don't act that way. One is my sister-in-law, Janice England and the other was my grandmother Mitchell. Even my mom, with her deep faith and trust in God, let things get to her to the point I find myself today. I have had to ask forgiveness of God and Mike (my husband). Bless him, he has born the brunt of my frustration and aggravation.
I was talking to Teri earlier and I told her I didn't want to be the "Achan" of our family with my actions. I sure don't want doubt, lack of faith, whatever, to be the cause of this thing being dragged on longer. I feel I am the one being tested and I lost that test yesterday. I have said many a prayer since then for forgiveness and more strength, patience (maybe that is what I should NOT ask for) and better control of my tongue.
I talked with the lawyer this morning and was told this is going to seem to be a very long and drawn out matter and could, and probably will, get much nastier before it is over (mainly because of Buddy's actions). I ask for continued prayers on Tara, Haley and Hannah's behalf.
The stress of the last couple of months has gotten to me. In my deepest being, I know God is in complete con troll of the situation (the custody of Hannah, her safety, etc). As a mother who is watching her daughter suffer and a grandmother who is desperately missing her grandchild, I have acted as if I have no faith in that control. I have let Satan - through Buddy - get to me. My language, anger and frustration have not been that of a Christian who is trusting in her Lord. Why we do that? I think in my whole life I have known 2 or 3 people who don't act that way. One is my sister-in-law, Janice England and the other was my grandmother Mitchell. Even my mom, with her deep faith and trust in God, let things get to her to the point I find myself today. I have had to ask forgiveness of God and Mike (my husband). Bless him, he has born the brunt of my frustration and aggravation.
I was talking to Teri earlier and I told her I didn't want to be the "Achan" of our family with my actions. I sure don't want doubt, lack of faith, whatever, to be the cause of this thing being dragged on longer. I feel I am the one being tested and I lost that test yesterday. I have said many a prayer since then for forgiveness and more strength, patience (maybe that is what I should NOT ask for) and better control of my tongue.
I talked with the lawyer this morning and was told this is going to seem to be a very long and drawn out matter and could, and probably will, get much nastier before it is over (mainly because of Buddy's actions). I ask for continued prayers on Tara, Haley and Hannah's behalf.
posted by Three C Farm at
12:04 PM
5 Comments:
First of all, we do pray for you and for this situation. We live in a fallen world and God doesn't always intervene as we would like, but he is always in control.
I've been amazed that Janice doesn't act that way because living with me gives her plenty of opportunities!
Finally ... what happened to you??? You don't blog for months and then suddenly I check in and you've blogged about five times??? Supwifdat? I stopped even checking your site. Am I to start again or is this a fluke?
This has been my week to work, so the blogs haven't been daily. But I am back to blogging. I think more so for myself. I do appreciate the comments and the support from the blog family. I had stopped for awhile because I thought,"what's the use?" I does help me to get some of my feelings out and if anyone wants to read them and comment I like that.
Hi Elaine - long time, no read. It is good to see you again. I don't know what the situation is that you're being challenged by but we certainly lift you up in prayer.
As to how some of us (a very small number)can be faced with these kinds of challenges and not have their faith tested to where it brings about outward reactions, it is beyond me as well. I take comfort in the fact that Jesus himself was hacked off and displayed his "hacked-ness" at the money changers in the Temple.
First (actually this is NOT first because I've already commented above, but for THIS response), I am glad you're blogging again. I've missed you.
Second, though I blog almost daily, it really is more for myself than for anyone who might read it. It is my way of journaling and looking back at what I wrote during a given period in my life. If it means nothing to anyone else, I enjoy it and I hope some day my children / grandchildren will want to read about their daddy and grand-daddy.
Third, that people DO read it has brought me into a wonderful community of cyber-friends who have become a part of my family. The few I've met have been wonderful meetings. There are a few I still hope to meet some day. So far I've not been disappointed in this branch of my family tree. There may be some squirrels running around in the tree, but I love these people.
Those who pretend not to struggle are doing just that--pretending. I too am glad to see you back to blogging. I blog in spurts and am trying to be on more than off.
It's interesting that you mention struggle the same day I mentioned a struggle in my blog. Maybe in your struggle you can help me with mine.
The real truth is that God is always with us even through these tough times.
The Psalmist is a good person to read when you need a way to express to Him how you feel. You might try and read some of those "struggles" by a man after God's own heart.
We, your blog family love you deeply and pray that God's will be done.
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