I just got a glimpse of the last 25-30 years of my mom's life. Went to Bible study and worship this AM (first time I've been able to do both for awhile). Needed both desperately as Satan seemed to be getting a toehold on me toward the end of this week. Went out to eat with Mike and the grandchildren. I asked Tara if the kids could come home with me for a little while, if she could come get them this afternoon. Mike left for Arkansas shortly after lunch.
The kids and I had a blast doing the hokey-pokey, playing school, and playing with play dough. Tara came and got them about an hour ago. That's when I realized I had just lived through one of my mom's Sundays and going into her week.
You see, if Mom had any of us (generally Greg or me) around for the weekend, we would have to leave Sunday afternoon heading back home. When Dad was alive, before he got too sick to travel and after he passed away, he also left on Sundays heading to Atlanta or where ever he had a job. Mom always put up a brave front but I learned many years later that the reason she didn't want us to do the dishes or help clean up was because this gave her something to do in her loneliness. I experienced her loneliness this week and this weekend. Having no one to come by and spend a few minutes of time to break the boredom of the day, doing the same old routine day after day. Don't miss understand, I have had family (especially Greg ) call during the week but it isn't the same as a sitdown visit. No wonder she cherished his calls (or calls from any family member and kept us on the line for as long as she could). Thanks brother, you have brightened my day more than once over the past few weeks. But back to the point, boredom brings on depression and loneliness. Her infirmities kept her practically homebound the last few years of her life but I think she went through boredom and loneliness long before that.
When those children left this afternoon a deep sense of loneliness swept over me and I looked up and said, "So, this is what you felt all those times we drove away and left you standing on your porch wanting just a few more minutes of our time." It hurt to watch my kids drive away even though I knew they had too. I made a commentment to God and myself after that and am determined that when released to get back to my life that I will not GET BACK TO MY LIFE! I am determined to seek out those in my community and church family who need a visit and a hug for no particular reason. I think it took this for me to see how very lonely it can be for the widows, the single parents, the downtrodden. I pray God will give me the health to fulfill my vow and pledge to Him.
Thanks for letting me pour out a little of my heart/hurt/feelings to you.
The kids and I had a blast doing the hokey-pokey, playing school, and playing with play dough. Tara came and got them about an hour ago. That's when I realized I had just lived through one of my mom's Sundays and going into her week.
You see, if Mom had any of us (generally Greg or me) around for the weekend, we would have to leave Sunday afternoon heading back home. When Dad was alive, before he got too sick to travel and after he passed away, he also left on Sundays heading to Atlanta or where ever he had a job. Mom always put up a brave front but I learned many years later that the reason she didn't want us to do the dishes or help clean up was because this gave her something to do in her loneliness. I experienced her loneliness this week and this weekend. Having no one to come by and spend a few minutes of time to break the boredom of the day, doing the same old routine day after day. Don't miss understand, I have had family (especially Greg ) call during the week but it isn't the same as a sitdown visit. No wonder she cherished his calls (or calls from any family member and kept us on the line for as long as she could). Thanks brother, you have brightened my day more than once over the past few weeks. But back to the point, boredom brings on depression and loneliness. Her infirmities kept her practically homebound the last few years of her life but I think she went through boredom and loneliness long before that.
When those children left this afternoon a deep sense of loneliness swept over me and I looked up and said, "So, this is what you felt all those times we drove away and left you standing on your porch wanting just a few more minutes of our time." It hurt to watch my kids drive away even though I knew they had too. I made a commentment to God and myself after that and am determined that when released to get back to my life that I will not GET BACK TO MY LIFE! I am determined to seek out those in my community and church family who need a visit and a hug for no particular reason. I think it took this for me to see how very lonely it can be for the widows, the single parents, the downtrodden. I pray God will give me the health to fulfill my vow and pledge to Him.
Thanks for letting me pour out a little of my heart/hurt/feelings to you.
posted by Three C Farm at
5:42 PM
1 Comments:
For those of us who have lost "Mom," your words bring back deep feelings.
Of course one of the nice things about blogging is that we're never alone, coast to coast and across the (Brady) sea.
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