My Dad
August 14th was Dad's birthday. If he had lived, he would be 80 today. He has been gone since 1989. One would think that time would heal the missing. It has dulled it some but I don't think it will ever go away.
I was the only girl of 4 children. You would think I would have been the daddy's girl. I wasn't. The pride of his eye was the baby, Rex. Dad was a hard person to get to know. I don't remember my dad until I was in the second grade. We moved from Sheffield, Al to Meridian, Miss. We weren't there long until Dad took a job in Florida. So, we had to finish the school year before we could join him there. At that time it was Alan, me and Greg.
The next 6 1/2 years Dad was around most of the time. He was in construction and his jobs took him out of town a lot. When I was in the 9th grade, Dad moved to Montgomery, Al. We followed that summer. We stayed there until Rex was in the 8th grade (I think). Mom and Dad moved to the Birmingham area (actually Springville, Al.) I moved to the Trussville area shortly after. We moved to Springville shortly after I found out I was expecting Tara. We had many wonderful times while living there. I think that is when mine and Dad's relationship actually started blossoming. I know it grew after the birth of Teri. She was Dad's baby from the very start (they adored each other). We all moved to north Alabama when the girls were in early elementary. I moved back to the Birmingham area a year later with my family but Mom and Dad remained in north Ala.
Dad had a bad back for as long as I can remember. He had degenerative disc disease. He had been told he should have back surgery but he refused. I can remember, when I was in high school, he would come home and the boys would take his legs, Mom and me his shoulders and pull on him to get his back straight enough and free of pain enough for him to get to sleep and to the chiropractor the next day. So, when he started having severe pain in his back to the point he could barely move, he thought it was just a worsening of what he had dealt with for many years.
I'll never forget the day I got a call from Mom telling me she and Dad were at Rex's. Dad was in severe pain and she had brought him down in hopes that some of Betty's (Rex's ex-wife) connections at Brookwood Hospital would help find out what was wrong (I had not gone to college at the time to become an RN). Betty was the lead surgical nurse for Dr. Swede, a well know neuro surgeon. She got Dad in to see him. Dad was referred to an orthopedic surgeon. It was Dr. Bryant who discovered the cancer (multiple myeloma - a cancer of the plasma of the blood). Dad lived 2 years after the diagnosis. We think he had a fear of this and that's the reason he wouldn't go to a doctor before this. There is no cure for this type of cancer and the prognosis is generally 5-7 years. We suspect Dad had it about 5 years total.
It was actually during the last 2 years of Dad's life that our relationship matured. Dad would come by the house on his way to Atlanta on Sunday afternoon and sometimes on Friday evenings on his way home to Sheffield. It wasn't necessarily to see me. It was to see Teri. Mom told me after Dad's death that he had said he stopped by to see Teri because an hour with her was better than any pain pill he could take. For anyone who has spent time with Teri, you know exactly why she was so good for Dad. One can't be around her for any length of time with laughing. She has one of the cutest personalities.
I was in college working on a teaching degree. I got a call from Mom one day that she and Dad were at Brookwood to see the oncologist if I wanted to come over to visit. I will NEVER forget that day. I got there just as they were taking Dad to the exam room. I had not seen Dad for awhile. He was thin and "old" looking and in a wheelchair. My big strong dad in a wheelchair. That in itself was almost too much to take. Dr. Hankins came in and told dad that he needed to be put in the hospital for pain control with IV morphine. Mom was in the room but Dad turned to me, grabbed me around the waist, laid his head on my chest and cried like a baby. I had never seen or heard my dad cry. It broke my heart. It took mom and me both to convince him to be admitted to the hospital. He knew if he went in, he would not come out alive and he didn't. He spent 5 weeks in the hospital before he passed away. I went over every day and we had many discussions about many things.
There have been times that my eldest brother and Greg have mentioned they wish they had gotten to know Dad more intimately. I had just a short time to develop a relationship with him but I am so thankful for the short time. Dad was always special to me even as a little girl when I didn't even know him. Mom says I kept a picture of him by my bed (I took it from her - it's the one on my mantel now).
So Happy Birthday Daddy. I don't think I will ever completely stop missing you.
Love always, Cisy
I was the only girl of 4 children. You would think I would have been the daddy's girl. I wasn't. The pride of his eye was the baby, Rex. Dad was a hard person to get to know. I don't remember my dad until I was in the second grade. We moved from Sheffield, Al to Meridian, Miss. We weren't there long until Dad took a job in Florida. So, we had to finish the school year before we could join him there. At that time it was Alan, me and Greg.
The next 6 1/2 years Dad was around most of the time. He was in construction and his jobs took him out of town a lot. When I was in the 9th grade, Dad moved to Montgomery, Al. We followed that summer. We stayed there until Rex was in the 8th grade (I think). Mom and Dad moved to the Birmingham area (actually Springville, Al.) I moved to the Trussville area shortly after. We moved to Springville shortly after I found out I was expecting Tara. We had many wonderful times while living there. I think that is when mine and Dad's relationship actually started blossoming. I know it grew after the birth of Teri. She was Dad's baby from the very start (they adored each other). We all moved to north Alabama when the girls were in early elementary. I moved back to the Birmingham area a year later with my family but Mom and Dad remained in north Ala.
Dad had a bad back for as long as I can remember. He had degenerative disc disease. He had been told he should have back surgery but he refused. I can remember, when I was in high school, he would come home and the boys would take his legs, Mom and me his shoulders and pull on him to get his back straight enough and free of pain enough for him to get to sleep and to the chiropractor the next day. So, when he started having severe pain in his back to the point he could barely move, he thought it was just a worsening of what he had dealt with for many years.
I'll never forget the day I got a call from Mom telling me she and Dad were at Rex's. Dad was in severe pain and she had brought him down in hopes that some of Betty's (Rex's ex-wife) connections at Brookwood Hospital would help find out what was wrong (I had not gone to college at the time to become an RN). Betty was the lead surgical nurse for Dr. Swede, a well know neuro surgeon. She got Dad in to see him. Dad was referred to an orthopedic surgeon. It was Dr. Bryant who discovered the cancer (multiple myeloma - a cancer of the plasma of the blood). Dad lived 2 years after the diagnosis. We think he had a fear of this and that's the reason he wouldn't go to a doctor before this. There is no cure for this type of cancer and the prognosis is generally 5-7 years. We suspect Dad had it about 5 years total.
It was actually during the last 2 years of Dad's life that our relationship matured. Dad would come by the house on his way to Atlanta on Sunday afternoon and sometimes on Friday evenings on his way home to Sheffield. It wasn't necessarily to see me. It was to see Teri. Mom told me after Dad's death that he had said he stopped by to see Teri because an hour with her was better than any pain pill he could take. For anyone who has spent time with Teri, you know exactly why she was so good for Dad. One can't be around her for any length of time with laughing. She has one of the cutest personalities.
I was in college working on a teaching degree. I got a call from Mom one day that she and Dad were at Brookwood to see the oncologist if I wanted to come over to visit. I will NEVER forget that day. I got there just as they were taking Dad to the exam room. I had not seen Dad for awhile. He was thin and "old" looking and in a wheelchair. My big strong dad in a wheelchair. That in itself was almost too much to take. Dr. Hankins came in and told dad that he needed to be put in the hospital for pain control with IV morphine. Mom was in the room but Dad turned to me, grabbed me around the waist, laid his head on my chest and cried like a baby. I had never seen or heard my dad cry. It broke my heart. It took mom and me both to convince him to be admitted to the hospital. He knew if he went in, he would not come out alive and he didn't. He spent 5 weeks in the hospital before he passed away. I went over every day and we had many discussions about many things.
There have been times that my eldest brother and Greg have mentioned they wish they had gotten to know Dad more intimately. I had just a short time to develop a relationship with him but I am so thankful for the short time. Dad was always special to me even as a little girl when I didn't even know him. Mom says I kept a picture of him by my bed (I took it from her - it's the one on my mantel now).
So Happy Birthday Daddy. I don't think I will ever completely stop missing you.
Love always, Cisy
posted by Three C Farm at
10:48 AM
2 Comments:
Wow! I never gave today a thought as to being Dad's birthday. I seldom give Dad much thought, but I sure took a journey through the past reading this blog. Thanks for reminding at least one of his children that this would have been his birthday.
Thanks for sharing with us.
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