Worry

I received an email from a friend the other day and passed it on to Greg. He emailed me back and told me this would make a good blog. So, here it is:

WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period
when offspring become accountable
for their own actions?
Is there a wonderful moment
when parents can become
detached spectators in the lives
of their children and shrug,
"It's their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?"
The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage."
My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly,
disrupted the class, and was headed
for a career making license plates.
As if to read my mind , a teacher said,
"Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax
and enjoy them."
My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.


When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
waiting for the phone to ring,
the cars to come home, the front door
to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves.
Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults."
My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying
over my children, but there was
a new wrinkle. There was nothing
I could do about it.
My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.
I continued to anguish
over their failures, be tormented
by their frustrations
and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my mother's warm smile and her
occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced
to a lifetime of worry?
Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail
of human frailties and the fears
of the unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried."
I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

I read this and thought how true it was for me. I could see myself and Muz all through this and now Teri and Tara (toward me and their children). I can remember when Mom would be sick or even be in the hospital and I would be trying to contact her and couldn't find her. I would get so upset at her because she wouldn't have let me know (she didn't want to worry me and she would say, "What could have done?"). Now, I find myself in that stage where when I am ill, I get fussed at by my girls because I haven't let them know.

Does the email remind you of anyone you know?

P.S. Update on the Hannah situation. We went to court on the 13th of November and were told it was postponed again because his lawyers mother had had a stroke. I felt for his lawyer and their family but I was very upset also. We have a little 4 year old that is being torn apart. She feels she doesn't belong anywhere and that no one really wants her because she is being shuffled back and forth and has no where to call "home." Buddy continues to harass Tara by calling her, yelling, accusing, cursing. I know I need to be praying for him but at this moment, I can't find it in me to do so. We go back to court December 10th to be told the day and hour we will actually go to trial. I hope I am NEVER involved in anything like this again as long as I live.