I just got a glimpse of the last 25-30 years of my mom's life. Went to Bible study and worship this AM (first time I've been able to do both for awhile). Needed both desperately as Satan seemed to be getting a toehold on me toward the end of this week. Went out to eat with Mike and the grandchildren. I asked Tara if the kids could come home with me for a little while, if she could come get them this afternoon. Mike left for Arkansas shortly after lunch.

The kids and I had a blast doing the hokey-pokey, playing school, and playing with play dough. Tara came and got them about an hour ago. That's when I realized I had just lived through one of my mom's Sundays and going into her week.

You see, if Mom had any of us (generally Greg or me) around for the weekend, we would have to leave Sunday afternoon heading back home. When Dad was alive, before he got too sick to travel and after he passed away, he also left on Sundays heading to Atlanta or where ever he had a job. Mom always put up a brave front but I learned many years later that the reason she didn't want us to do the dishes or help clean up was because this gave her something to do in her loneliness. I experienced her loneliness this week and this weekend. Having no one to come by and spend a few minutes of time to break the boredom of the day, doing the same old routine day after day. Don't miss understand, I have had family (especially Greg ) call during the week but it isn't the same as a sitdown visit. No wonder she cherished his calls (or calls from any family member and kept us on the line for as long as she could). Thanks brother, you have brightened my day more than once over the past few weeks. But back to the point, boredom brings on depression and loneliness. Her infirmities kept her practically homebound the last few years of her life but I think she went through boredom and loneliness long before that.

When those children left this afternoon a deep sense of loneliness swept over me and I looked up and said, "So, this is what you felt all those times we drove away and left you standing on your porch wanting just a few more minutes of our time." It hurt to watch my kids drive away even though I knew they had too. I made a commentment to God and myself after that and am determined that when released to get back to my life that I will not GET BACK TO MY LIFE! I am determined to seek out those in my community and church family who need a visit and a hug for no particular reason. I think it took this for me to see how very lonely it can be for the widows, the single parents, the downtrodden. I pray God will give me the health to fulfill my vow and pledge to Him.

Thanks for letting me pour out a little of my heart/hurt/feelings to you.

Two weeks to go

In a little less than two weeks, I will be going back to the doctor. I hope at that time, he will remove this brace. It has become most uncomfortable and has a tendency to rub my back making the incision site tender. At that time, I am also hoping he will allow me to increase my activity. Basically, I have walked twice a day, sat up for awhile, and lain around or asleep the rest of the time. A totally boring existance. I see the nasty floors in my house and the dust and it's all I can do not to get busy cleaning. The pain in my left leg has moved to the ankle/foot area. Greg says I'm home free when it goes into my big toe. I seems to moving that way.

I read the discharge instructions the other day (just like a nurse to wait until two and a half weeks out of surgery to know what she is/isn't supposed to be doing). It seems I wasn't to start my 2-3 miles a day walking workout until after my month checkup. I look at it this way, I am ahead of the game.

On the flip side of this. I have had time to read more (except on this medication, I get sleepy when I read). I have had the time to listen to the tapes I found at Mom's (tapes of Greg's sermons from 1989 to 2005; tapes from the times she went to Zoe conference); and many other interesting tapes I want to listen to. So far they have been very interesting. The only problem with listening to them is, I want to take notes and that requires sitting up, which for some reason tires me.

This is the update for now. Hope to be able to attend worship Sunday (I did get out for worship last Sunday and it wore me out). I really miss worshiping with my church family. They have been great to visit, bring food, take care of the dogs (since Mike is constantly out of town), etc. They have truely been an extension of my family.

Hope your weekend is a good one and your worship HOLY.

It's three in the morning and the pain in my leg is unbearable. I have been up and walking and straightening up the house(no bending or lifting anything heavy). I would feel on top of the world if this pain would cease. I have taken the med ordered but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. I sure hope these nerves heal quickly. This constant pain is beginning to get on my LAST NERVE.

Tara and the girls were up last night. Hannah asked if she could play a game on the computer. I said ok and turned it on for her. Her picture playing in the pool on her "wave-runner" is the wallpaper Mike has up on the computer. When her daddy asked what she was doing, she said "I'm playing the game of me in the water." She was having a ball just running the mouse arrow all around her picture.

Hope one and all have a great day.

Update: The pain in my left leg is now in the right also. I called the doctor again this morning to find out if this is a normal part of healing(which I will deal with), or if I have done something to mess up the surgery(I promise I have been very good). I was told this is a normal part of healing and it will take a couple of days to get the level of Neurontin in my system for the pain to lessen. I awoke this morning at 3AM crying because of the pain. Now that I know this is part of the healing, I will deal with it as I have through the last 3 years. I am taking the Neurontin even if it does make me "drunk". A member of the church came by yesturday and I couldn't talk staight. I told her what was going on (she is a nurse) , she just laughed at me. It was pretty funny.

I read Greg's blog and it brought about my blog. I have been going through a box of pictures from mom's and separating them into Mom and family, Dad and family and pictures of me and my family. I hope to make a scapebook for my girls to have some day. In going through the pictures, I have seen me, my girls and Jessica in so many pictures of Mom. I see Jess in Mom's teenage pictures and some in her older pictures. I most definately see myself in her older pictures. I have found baby pictures that look like me and Teri (my youngest) and I found one picture of Mom and Dad holding me and Alan ( the eldest). I looks like Jessica holding a baby Jessica, it was so cool. I will get Mike to teach me how to post some of the pictures. I looked to see if I could do that by myself - no such luck. I know this blog would have been more interesting if you could have actually seen the pictures. Sorry about that.

Until next time, have a great day.

It has been almost two weeks out. I am feeling much stonger each day. I walk a mile in the morning and a mile in the afternoon(started that today). I have walked a mile since Sunday. Mike took the stitches out Saturday night with little discomfort. I still have this funky taste in my mouth and all food, drink and medicine has the same taste. I don't remember this from previous surgery but Teri said she had this problem after her surgery and it lasted about 2-3 wks.

The pain decreases more each day. Lately I have been having nerve pain down the left hip and into the toes. I called the doctor and he said this was normal (nerve roots healing). The discomfort kept me up last night. The doctor called me in some neuronton (a drug for nerve pain/seizures). I didn't want to take this but I've tried just about everything else and nothing has worked. I took one about 2pm today and I now know the high the hippies experienced in the 60's. No hallucinations yet. This is the reason I don't like to take pills, I don't like feeling dizzy, lightheaded and slightly out of control. But, if it will help the pain in my leg, I will take the recommended med until healed.

That's the update for now. Hope all is well with you and yours.

THANK YOU ALL

Thank you all for your love, prayers and concern. The surgery went well according to the doctor. He also said it was the worst he had seen in his career. He said my disc had shattered into my spinal column and he did not know how I was functioning much less working. Mike told him I had my mother's stubborness and refusal to quit. It all turned out well.

I have been home 6 days and getting stonger each day. The staples come out Sunday. Mike will be removing them and he told the discharge nurse that he had a perfectly good claw hammer at home. I developed an infection in the hospital and then an allergic reaction to the Levaquin (the antibiotic being treated with). Alls well now. Am still having a few muscle spasms at times and discomfort in the lower back. This is helped by the med given me. It is difficult for me to take this med and I am not a good pill taker (pills of any kind). I just don't like to take them but have been told I have to take them this time. So I am complying with orders from the doctor, my husband, my daughters, and the grandchildren.

Will be starting a walking program next week and build up to 2-3 miles a day by the end of the month. Tara has been coming over every night to help me bathe and to change my dressing. Hannah thinks she has to get in the shower with me to help. After the shower, I put my brace on and walk around the house for about 30 minutes. The other night, Hannah wanted to walk with me. We put on housecoats and began walking. Hannah looked up at me and asked, "What you doing?" I told her I had to walk to get well. We walked into the kitchen where she told her mother that "Me and Memama are walking to find a well!" How delightful this child is to me and I could just see Muz laughing in heaven.

Haley has been a God send also. She stayed with me from Monday night until Wednesday night and took very good care of me, fixing food and drinks and keeping me company.

Things are slow for right now but I am determined to do what is right and minding my doc. Pray I will keep to this resolution. I have been home 6 days and am bored out of my mind. I can only stay up (sitting) for 1 hour at a time. Can walk until the body says STOP, can't stand for any extended time. So needless to say most of my days have been spent on the couch tossing and turning. Each day gets better.

Will keep you informed. Again, thank you so much for you love. I read your comments on Greg's blog and I knew you were all praying and that God was with me and the doctors through this. Love ya all, Elaine

This will be my last blog for awhile. According to the post surgery instructions, I will not be allowed to sit or stand for longer than 30 min at a time because of the pressure on the lower back. It will be a little difficult to blog while on my side or stomach. Will be back with you as soon as possible.

Had a great day with the children yesturday. I got burned while playing in the pool but it was such a beautiful day, we just couldn't stop playing. The kids just got browner. I call them my little brown biscuits. Needless to say, the amount of time needed to finish cleaning the house was increased by about 1-2 hours, to reclean where Hurrican Hannah has been.

My girls (Tara and Teri) and their husbands (my boys) took us to dinner last night and we had a great time. We went to Logans and when we got there, Hannah wanted to wait for her Aunt T and Uncle Josh in the car (it was very hot). I told her, let's go inside where we can throw peanuts on the floor. That got her attention. So we went inside where she proceeded to grab a handful of peanuts and throw them all over the floor all around the table. Tara started to get on to her but I said, it was my fault. I didn't quite explain exactly what we could do with the peanuts. Hannah then chewed the peanuts out of the shells, threw the shells on the floor and spit the peanuts back in the bucket. She was really wound-up last night and so funny.

Haley begged to come back home with me last night. She said, Memama, I could help you clean. This is true, but I can't bring her home w/o Hannah and that just won't do when one is trying to clean and put up. Haley got really upset but I told her that when I get through today that I would come and get her and she could ride to the hospital with us in the morning. She has called twice this AM (it's only 7:30) wanting to know when I would be through with the house and come get her. The last time she called we set a time for her to call back and find out the progress. So, I guess I will go for now and GET BUSY per her instructions. I mind those two very well.

Have a great few weeks and I will be back as soon as I possibly can. I will be in touch w/Greg by phone so maybe he can put a little note in his comments to let you know how I am doing.

Love to you all and thanks for your prayers and concern. Elaine